Garlic Knot

I think it looks like a garlic knot. Or maybe I'm just hungry. When my spiritual director asked me last night what "it" looks like, that was my response.

We were looking into my feelings. How does that residual feeling look? You know... the feeling you received from both the dude on Friday and that guy from last summer. While the situations weren't the same (not by a long shot) there was one major similarity that seemed to affect me on a deep level. Watching someone's personality change so drastically and so quickly... well... that was enough to hit me funny. And it caused a feeling. Like an "I've been here before... with someone else" kind of feeling. My spiritual director asked me what that feeling looked like. I told her the garlic knot comment. Luckily, she laughed when I said the part about being hungry.

We worked on resolving this issue. Somehow I have to put last summer behind me. I need to stop confessing it. I need to stop feeling guilty and confused. Usually I don't think about it too much but I have been thinking about it since Friday. Because there was an air that I recognized in this guy. An air that was just like last July.

However... I did resolve some issues around it last night. 1) The reason I feel guilty is actually the fact that I did not like talking about it. I didn't want to make him seem like "evil" man. Though what happened that night did lead to alot of misery for me. 2) If it had not been for that night I would not yet be medicated. Woo-hoo! Silver lining! 3) This time, when things got weird I listened to myself. I recognized it and I acted on it. I said no to what I wanted to say no to and I did what needed to be done to get out of the situation. Complete honesty with myself, no making excuses for someone else's behavior. 4) Thank God I found out on the first night instead of two months down the road... or before something really bad happened.

Ultimately, my garlic knot disappeared. Or maybe it was eaten.