Breaking Up With Friends

Someone is gone... officially... from my life. He's gone a seperate way, even though probably a month or so ago I had told him it was best if we stopped speaking. He was a friend though I felt uncomfortable with the friendship. Felt like he wanted more than I was going to give. Felt like he was waiting around until I fell for him romantically. I wasn't going to and I knew it. It was best for both of us to move on and not intermingle. I know I did the right thing and I tried my best to be kind about it. I know his feelings got hurt and for that I am sorry.

I once had a friend tell me that she knew it was over with her ex-fiance when she got to a point that she wanted to throw her shoe at him when he walked in the room. It was time to end it. That kind of annoyance doesn't usually just go away by talking it out. While I never thought I would throw anything at him, I found myself annoyed by him every time I heard from him. And I felt terrible about it. I was not being a good friend, I was not being a friend at all. A friend keeps things honest and real. I knew it had to be over.

I "broke up" with some other friends a while back. I believe it was last summer, don't really remember the time frame. That one was over their use of religion in trying to help me determine my problems. I was told all sorts of stuff... using what I think was Bible abuse. What's a secret sin after all? If you know about it and God knows about it (assuming he knows all, as I do believe) then what's secret about it? I did send them a Christmas card this year because I do still care about them, I just can't go back to that place again. Something about that really hurt. REALLY hurt. I guess some of it was faith abuse... I have faith but I was very ill at the time. Granted, they didn't know that but what they were saying to me just wasn't exactly accurate and I had to walk away. I will always care for them.

The guy whom I say left my life completely yesterday used to work here. I found out from his cubemate yesterday that he had left. Strangely, I feel a small bit of relief because I don't have to worry about bumping into him. But, the stronger feeling is actually happiness. It's this little place in me, small but there... like a little ray of light shining out. I am happy that he is moving along his path. I am happy that he found a job that probably pays more, hopefully he enjoys it, hopefully it leads him to where he wants to go.