Kiddo

It ain't over till it's over.
-Yogi Berra

In front of us lies the ultimate truth.  It separates the men from the boys but it separates none of us in the end.  Some of us think of it often, some of us think of it little; if at all.  Then some of us are given weeks or months or the indecision of the in between time only.  The doctors say it may only be a couple weeks... a couple of months at best.

And then we say we will continue fighting.  Yet pain management and quality of life are all that is left to us as options.

A man calls you "kiddo" and it crawls up your skin and into your body.  For me, it has often been this - "kiddo" bothers me.  I long ago left "kiddo" on the doorstep of the local orphanage and took on the familiar role as a grown up.  Every once in a while - however - someone says it and I am not bothered, I am flattered.  I see Sally Field up on a stage yelling "You like me, you really like me" and I thank God that someone whom I respect sees me in this way.  I have alot to learn and alot to experience.  I am probably a child to you... even if you have to know me on an even playing field.

And you have always treated me as such.  Regardless of the "kiddo".

My last face to face interaction with you was in a parking lot.  You asked me how something was going and I gave you an "it's not" type of answer.  As in, "it's not going at all."  I had no idea these would be the last words I would speak to you - I had no idea that the expression of my annoyance at men on the other side of the world would be it.  You didn't mind however - you understood.  Life goes on around you, no matter what the doctors have to say.

This is striking me deeply.  Much deeper than I would have expected or preferred.  But - the truth is it's not over til it's over.  The fight is still in you - and it's still in me - though I do find myself resolving to the end that may very well be.  Denial is a formidable enemy to all.  The prayers are on my heart, in my head and leaving my mouth. 

I am scared of the truth.  Not just for you but for me as well.  Did you live a life well lived?  Did you do what you wanted to do?  Did you get to know God here so you would recognize Him/Her when you get there?  You probably will.  No one, and I mean no one, could be as pleasant and as good to work with as you have been without having a piece of God - as I believe I know Him - inside of them.

Thank you for being a really good, cool guy.  And thank you for calling me "kiddo".