A Caveman Makes PB&J

Success has been rare.  But - for me - what has been even rarer still is the discipline or drive it takes to get to a successful place.  Now, just to make it clear, I do not completely blame myself here.  Nor do I blame anyone else.  I don't place blame because I do not think this is something in which blame has any rightful place. 

This has been a process of preparation.  I have had a few successes that I am happy with.  Not many but a few.  Things I have worked towards and gained.  Yet, at the age of 31, they should have or should be more plentiful.  Again, however, this is no one's fault.  It just is.  Life circumstances have often times prevented me from moving on, moving up or just plain moving at all.  Between my disorder and a certain lack of structure in my formative years and beyond, I simply did not have the tools to work with. 

Would you blame a caveman for his inability to make a peanut butter and jelly?

No, he did not have the tools to do so.  Things in the world and in his life had not yet evolved in a direction where this was possible.  Simple as a PB&J is to make - to him it would have been impossible.  Not even a thought in his mind, not even a craving would have been because neither the peanut butter nor the jelly - or even the bread would have existed.

In my life, the tools just have not been present until now.  The tools being mostly internal, mostly mental and somewhat intangible.  I have had many of the physical resources for quite some time but had no idea how to put them together in order to create the bigger picture.

Before now - I simply didn't know how.  Nor could I get my thinking straight enough to make myself a very real, very full life.