The Truth Shall Set You Free

I went to therapy today. And I'm having a good day. A hopeful day. A peaceful day. We talked over why I seem so free now. And the truth is, for the first time since I can remember I'm being myself. Not reserving myself in hopes that I can be who other people want me to be. No longer trying to play the role of someone I'm not. For the first time in my memory I am just me. And it feels good. Of course, the meds I'm taking are helping me get a restful sleep at night, which keeps me rather balanced during the day. And I don't have a depressing second conversation going on in my head at all times. That helps too. But, either way, I am not going to be ashamed of who I am and what I like. I'm not going to think "he'd like this" or behave as what I think the other person wants me to behave like. For better or worse, I'm me. Just simply me. And being me isn't so hard right now so I'm gonna roll with it, yo. And I will never write another list again to try and perform up to an expectation of someone else only to ignore the list three days later when my mood selects another MO for me. I'm not going to think "that's who I want to be" or "I want to be like her" anymore. I'm not going to drive myself insane trying to hide my illness only to have it crop up in more drastic ways. Ways I cannot control with only willpower. I am going to make mistakes, sure but I have to be ok with that fact and move on. I am free of my self imposed guilt for things long forgotten by others. I am free of the embarrassment that I have brought on myself. And I still want my tattoo... this time it will just really, really mean something.